"There's a big difference between being gay and being a fag"

With roughly a week remaining before a 40th anniversary I didn't know too much about until a few weeks ago, I thought it fitting to write on something that I've been mulling over. This post was first conceived on 29 May, 2009 after an acquaintance posted a status update that was 'a last straw' of sorts....

I've never really felt truly exposed to rampant homophobia before. You know the kind that might make the news because a violent assault and/or a gang rape left the victim, at the very least, severely traumatised but often comatose or dead. I've heard of these things but tend; shall we say; to 'shelve' them with all the other bad stuff that goes on around us.

I live in a country ridden by some extremely violent and senseless crimes and so, for me, acts of pure hatred tend to get lumped together. Make no mistake though, gay bashing, when it is reported results in the same gut wrenching reaction as when I hear about babies being raped and murdered. To date though, they remain in some sort of disconnected otherworld - because I have never been directly affected by such violence.

There are many levels of homophobia, in the same way there are many levels of sexism, racism and other forms of bigoted thinking.

I've recently been becoming more aware of my gay self within a 'straight' society. And whilst I do prefer to think of myself first as human rather than gay, I am never the less in a state of heightened awareness of my differentness within it. Which gets me to the kernel incident that got me into this post:

When Manchester United recently lost the UEFA Champions League. The aforementioned acquaintance posted a Facebook status update: "...Barcelona is a bunch of fags and we probably lost because of the distraction of them touching our boys' ........"

I saw this and was compelled to comment: "hmmm.... I prefer to call 'em Dirty Spaniards?"

Her reply was a quick apology including: "there's a big difference between being gay and being a fag", which has now become the title of this post.

I don't mean to pick on her directly. This is not the first time I've heard this kind of argument.

I was recently floored when straight counterpart used the word faggot to describe a florist we know.

As with this or many other offensive words for all manner of people, most would just apologise and retract the statement - knowing they've crossed that line of political correctness. Fortunately, I was able to gain some insight because of our relationship and that I was able to turn my battle brain off. I had to question his thinking.

His response was astounding: "I've got no problem with you and gays like you, but I've got a problem with faggots!"

"WTF!!", I thought - not quite aloud. I was angered by what he said. But reining in my emotions, I retorted, "But I am a 'faggot'. I may not be the most effeminate gay guys around, but - I'm still very much a gay man." My emotions now momentarily shelved, I requested more insight.

He responded along the lines: "You're still like, a man. Fags are those queeny limp wristed types... It's like they're putting on a show or something. They weren't all faggoty before they came out - but now they running around like men who wanna be women?" His logic was there is a difference between being gay and being a faggot!

Even though I was still offended, I had to stand down as I contemplated his response.

We call carry prejudices. I know I do - even though I fight them. Just how pervasive is this type of thinking? In this scenario, is what was said 'homophobia' at all? Is it bare faced bigotry? Or is it an essentially 'harmless' expression about a stereotype.

For those who have met me, I think you'll know that I generally did not relate well to particularly effeminate men. That's changed somewhat since I've met some truly fabulous but genuine individuals. I won't lie though, in my core I just can't reconcile extreme femininity and transgerderism within myself.

I discussed this with CV the other day, because I didn't know how to express the multitude of emotions I was feeling about this. As the discussion evolved, it became clear to me. To be uncomfortable with people we don't fully understand is a totally human reaction and it should be embraced. It's how we respond to that discomfort and carry it into our words and actions that draws the fine lines between bigotry and tolerance.

My 'battle' as a gay men, is for people to relate to my humanity - and hopefully in some small change the way people see us. To see past the stereo types. I enjoy many human rights that people like me in more 'advanced' democracies do not enjoy. But although we're have many legal equalities does not mean we are accepted as equals.

My experiences and conversations clearly show me we have a long way to go to rid our world of homophobia and other forms of bigotry. Sadly, I think the gods honest truth is we'll never get rid of all of it. But each of us must own up to our prejudices. In some way we must stand up and account for them. I know I need work towards to a better understanding of everyone I feel different from, not through evasion or pretence, but through staring those differences in the face and making a conscious decision to break free of the misconceptions that feed our bigotry.

And so, as I celebrate and commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots and the birth of the modern PRIDE movement, I have found my rally cry:

"I am human. I am man. I am gay and I am proud of all of me. Know me as a person, before you put your labels on me! And I shall do the same for you."

Ciao4Now

knowing me... a-ha?

Someone near and very dear asked me why I've not been blogging...

The truth is, I can't really be sure. I'm in a funny place in my head at the moment and feeling kind of um... restless, like I'm not fulfilling something I'm meant to be doing. It may pass and writing about it may add some clarity to the matter... for me as much as you. And before anyone sees some sort of drama on the cards, let me move swiftly to put everything into its place.

I have been in with CV for just over a year now and the whole experience has been illuminating in so many ways, I can't even begin to describe. I could so easily get gushy right now, but I shant - because there's been other sides to knowing him and that's what today's post is all about.

Let's tentatively call the side I'm now referring to as 'the activist'. 'The activist' has changed my understanding of being a gay man. His experiences with the ex-gay ministry as laid bare in many a personal conversation, quite a bit of writing in his blog, as well as some of his personal diaries has moved me to try to understand myself better. This is not to say I previously didn't have a fair grasp of who I am. But, in my openly gay but somewhat 'closeted' recent past, I was all about work. Blooms and beats dominated just about everything I did... so much so there was not much time for anything in between.

This past year has seen me blossom in a way that was totally unexpected. Argh! I hate to use flowery terms - but that's what come off the fingertips, so I'll stick with it. My exposure to the 'activist' has partly driven my own recent explorations.

So I've been reading quite a bit. You may or may not have read my recent post on gay superheroes. That required tons of reading.

And then of course there's CV's award winning blog and other blogs on the gay experience.

I've reading 'The Velvet Rage' by Alan Downs. It's made me emotional and sometimes angry. It's revealing without being particularly instructive or helpful (so far). But it has rapidly changed the way I perceive myself and most other gay men. I won't recommend it yet - the jury is still out for me.

Knowing 'the activist' got me reading up even more on the story of Harvey MILK, slamming PRIDE - and then thinking about it a little bit more. Undertaking researching and ultimately deepening my understanding of the history of the gay rights movements (and the importance of Drag queens) and where gay rights are going now.

It's also lead to debating in sometimes very lively discussions gay marriage, being publicly gay and changing societal norms.

And I've been... consuming ('cause watching would be far too soft a verb) the 1st season of the US version of Queer as Folk. Although it was launched in 2000 and has become somewhat of a cult classic among gay men the world over, I couldn't watch it on my Zone 2 DVD system. The problem's been solved recently thanks to the suggestion of one of my many 'techno whizz' friends. It's fascinating. I totally relate to some aspects and can't believe others. It's a gritty candid drama about gay men and I think it's brilliant. There's four seasons to go after this. At least I'll have all of them on hand when I want to tuck into the next batch.

And finally - linking my recently awoken passion for reading, writing, the drama of the comic book hero and QAF (there's a comic book link developing), I just bought a few pencils and eraser to take up something I've not done seriously since high school... drawing.

I wanted to become a designer once upon a time. And a musician. And an author. And an entrepreneur. And a radio presenter using my influence to make positive changes (but not a politician - because I'm a lousy liar). And a priest (yes - even a priest).

Which brings me right back to the beginning again. I'm in a funny place in my head at the moment still restless. I can't shake the feeling that I'm not fulfilling something "greater", that I'm meant to be doing.

Ok, so it hasn't passed by writing about and I can't claim any further clarity on the matter... Maybe I should blog more frequently to express the things I feel I need to. Maybe, that's the way we change the world - one post, drawing and song at a time.

Ciao4Now

I've been looking queerly at comic books

This post has been brewing for some time and invariably will be rather long and detailed by the time I'm done writing - so if you're the kind to settle in and read -go and grab that cup of tea or coffee now...

I've never really been a reader of comic books per se, but I became a fan of the world of superheroes with the onslaught of very well produced movies in the early nought-ies. I loved the drama, the action and I especially loved the special effects. I lapped them up like a parched camel might tackle a watering hole.

I recall an interview, with Stan Lee, MARVEL Comics foremost superhero creator, where he mentioned that the genesis of the mutants in X-men during the turbulent sixties resonated in particular with minority groupings in the US like blacks, gays and the disabled. They related to their personal angst at dealing with their differentness from the rest of society and how society was dealing so differently with them.

Not surprisingly, as a gay man, this sparked an ever intensifying flame of interest for the genre and the 'origins' of the superheroes themselves. I've been spurred to seek out the existence (or lack thereof) of gay superheroes and to explore how they’re reflected?

I'm not talking about the over speculated but totally misconceived relationship between Batman and his ward Robin, nor some of the heroes of sometimes erotic underground publications. I mean the 'real deal'; heroes that are 'written gay' by their authors - in the mainstream publications of DC and MARVEL.

I could discourse at length about the history of gay’dom in comics over many decades, but there are resources penned by greater super hero geeks than me, and two better ones are found here and here. I found however, that there were a few significant storylines that aptly illustrated some parallels with our story in the real world.

In the late seventies and early eighties, as gay men across America were fighting for protection from discrimination, their conservative Christian counterparts led by Senator Briggs and a former Miss America Anita Bryant to name but a few, were playing to the popular view that gay men were amongst other things paedophiles recruiting innocent children to their 'sinful ways'.

And so, I guess, it came as no surprise when there was a story line in 'A very Personal Hell' (The HULK #23 - Marvel, October 1980) where Bruce Banner is accosted in the public showers at the Manhattan YMCA. I think that story showed every straight mans nightmare encounter. The near rape scene shows how gays were viewed by the world: Sex crazed men bent on having their way by any means possible.

But, without any feather boas or sequined spandex, an intentionally gay hero called Northstar was introduced to the MARVEL universe in a new team called Alpha Flight (Alpha Flight #1 - Marvel, August 1983). He was however, not out. By the mid eighties, a sufficient number of hints and comments had been dropped and there was wide spread speculation about his sexuality. In effect, like many young gay men of the era, only his big toe was unintentionally out of the closet.

At the same time, hysteria around the 'gay plague' – AIDS - saw to it that Northstar was also afflicted by a dread disease, with persistent coughing and other mysterious AIDS-like symptoms. It was originally planned he’d succumb to the disease in the 50th issue, but the publishers would not have it. Instead it was revealed his disease was actually a curse cast upon him by a 'fairy'!?!

Attitudes towards homosexuality changed glacially into the nineties. But, I think that when AIDS finally became a human disease it marked a major a turning point for gays in real life as it was for the superheroes in comic books as is so aptly described in the following scene quoted here as a narrative from Lonley Gods .com (Alpha Flight #106, MARVEL, March 1992):

When Northstar discovered an abandoned baby girl that had AIDS he adopted the baby as his own and began to promote AIDS awareness. This act enraged the retired superhero Major Mapleleaf, whose gay son died of AIDS the year before. Mapleleaf decided to attack Northstar for the perceived injustice.

"My son Michael was a victim of AIDS as well!" Mapleleaf monologued as he traded blows with Northstar. "But he was gay - so people didn't afford him the luxury of being 'innocent'. There were no press conferences, no fund-raisers, no nightly news updates .... And now you come along! You with your cute and sweet and photogenic little orphaned girl .... My son wasn't guilty of anything. But because he was gay, he didn't rate!"

Northstar responded with a punch, yelling back: "Do not presume to lecture me on the hardships homosexuals must bear. No one knows them better than I. I am not inclined to discuss my sexuality with people for whom it is none of their business – I am gay!"

This revelation only enraged Mapleleaf further: "You're one of Canada's most prominent public figures, both here and abroad! Before that, you were a renowned Olympic athlete! Don't you realize the good that you can do?! By not talking about your lifestyle - by closeting yourself - you're as responsible for my son's death as the homophobic politicians who refuse to address the AIDS crisis!"

Northstar finally ended the fight with several more blows before coming to an amiable conclusion with Mapleleaf. "We do agree on one thing, sir. It is past time that people started talking about AIDS, about its victims. Those who die ... and those of us left behind."

By the dawn of the 21st century, a growing number of characters, hero’s and villains alike were either introduced, outed or re-written in as gay like the cowboy character The Rawhide Kid, whose origin dates back to 1955, was re-introduced as gay in 2003.

In the same year, for the first time an openly gay couple were introduced with a new team the Young Avengers (Young Avengers #1, MARVEL, March 2003). The shape shifting Hulkling (who's no relation to HULK) and Wiccan have since been depicted as a pair of young heroes who care for each other deeply. Their relationship and sexuality is so normalised within the story that it's never a diversion.

But as we all know, coming out is not always like that. Our relationships are in general not widely viewed as normalised as in the Young Avengers example. For many the fear of rejection when coming out to our friends and family is a nightmare come true. And in the ever increasing discourse on matters of sexuality, comic books have stepped up to the task to discuss the issue with readers allowing them to decide how to relate to a not so rosy ending.

In one of the X-series’, Colossus's has been re-written as gay but, this was not revealed until Northstar was incorporated into the team and they start dating (Ultimate X-men #65, MARVEL, January, 2006).

Colossus told his team mate, the devoutly Catholic, blue skinned, three toed and tailed Nightcrawler that Northstar asked him to his school's prom. Nightcrawler incredulously asked...

Colossus replies: "If a man as unique as you no longer has to hide in the shadows, I fail to see why someone like me should. Wouldn't you agree?"

Nightcrawler could however not accept this.

The conversation continued: "I know you've been avoiding me since you think you found out what I am." Colossus began. "Do you think that I am attracted to every man? Why would you think that? I will admit, your skin is cute, but you are not my type. So do not worry, I promise to keep my hands to myself. Can we just go back to the way things were? .... I am the same friend you knew."

To which Nightcrawler angrily replied, "I am thinking, now ... that I did no know that friend very well." ( Ultimate X-men #67, MARVEL, February, 2006).

In my research into the history of the superheroes, has made it clear that the depiction and assimilation of homosexuality has evolved through the years. Our kind are now well documented in the annals of DC and Marvel and our depictions in those parallel universes has progressed much like our story in real life. Today it seems the overall view of gay supers is being positive – hopefully helping us find wider acceptance in more than just the strangest of places.

Ciao4now