The receipe to kill for and the normal routine

**Please excuse my formatting of late - every time I load a picture, everything goes cock-eyed and all my paragraphs either become compressed or overly spaced and I don't know enough HTML to fix it**

This recipe calls for only a few ingredients to deliver truly explosive results!

1st Ingredient - Sleep (or lack thereof)

What's the difference between four, five and six? That's easy... or is it?

I've never been one for too much sleep. Six hours sees me through just fine. More than six hours and I feel overslept. With five hours in, I'm functioning but weary. But anything less than that and I turn into the troll that lives under the bridge, snapping up any and all unsuspecting passers by and spiting out the bits that can't be chewed. Even I'm scared of me.

2nd Ingredient - Nicotine (or lack thereof)

Nicotine deprivation is a tricky bastard. There's the slowly overwhelming sensation of a void that well up from within the chest. No amount of deep breathing can fill it. That craving slowly cobbles it's way into the brain. Eventually it carves a hole into ones mind that's so large, so totally overwhelming just about consumes you from within.

Now, if you've never had an addiction of any sort, you'd never be able to relate. But for anyone who has, and tried to beat it, you'll know: Cold turkey is a very ugly place.

My cautionary note to all smokers (myself included)... DO NOT WHERE EVER POSSIBLE PLAN YOUR HALT TO TOBACCO INTAKE DURING THE MOST TESTING WEEK YOU'VE HAD IN A WHILE!!

3rd Ingredient: American Idol

The show on TV (where the contestants actually have talent!) is pretty good and one doesn't want to go to sleep just yet.

Preparation and Serving

The other night due to a combination of the 'crazy hours' and the ever so addictive American Idol and the distractingly irritating addiction to nicotine I was running on the verge of insanity.

Insanity? OK - let me explain.

The brain and body are tired from an accumulated lack of sleep tallying up to about 9 or so hours for the past week. So thresholds to all sorts of things are wearing thin.

The need for a fag is reached the point of total distraction.

The TV show is standing as an almost worthy distraction. But it requires TOTAL concentration to hold it together.

Then, something very small and light happens on the periphery of this delicate balancing act. And somehow it's all too much. It really is a proverbial last straw.

There's a grand collapse of sorts. And for the innocent 'distractor' - a kangaroo court is held summoning a firing-line that'd make a masochistic dictator proud to file into formation and fire off a barrage of utter devastation - all in a matter of milliseconds.

For the victim it makes no sense... it cuts deep. Deeper than just the 'dish just served' should.

Like a really hot curry, it's not really the meal itself that is the kicker, but the consequences down the line that hurt the most. The recipe clearly needs some revision if it's burning a path through all and sundry.

So, I've conceded:

- I shall continue to smoke (a bare minimum) for the next few days till my days are restored to a more normal routine.

- I shall have to make the effort to drag myself off to bed ridiculously early (just after 8) in order to get the 5+ hours minimum in till my days are restored to a more normal routine.

- I shall have to buy the victim of the dish some nicely refrigerated loo-paper (read: presents / dinner / ice cream) to sooth away some of the pain caused and hope that it mends the burning.

I'm pretty certain it'll work out fine - but till then, I'm working to make life less volatile.