Dear investigating officer

Dear Investigating Officer

I hate to bother you as you worry about whatever it is you worry about, as you tuck into your Kenflucky Flied Chiggen. I don't mean to ask you, for the eight - or is it now the ninth time - if you have managed to even get off your chair and engage with us.

I'm not sure what the progress of my THREE cases with you is. The last time I checked you told me that unless I know "who the culprit is, we can not give it to an investigating officer" after you closed the first case. I know the second time you assumed that the fingerprint division was on off for the weekend, so the first chance you had at getting hard evidence was spoiled because you decided that it could wait. *sigh*

In all the spare time I have waiting for you, I though I might take the trouble to find out the meaning of the word "investigation" for you because I believe that the trainers at the Police College may well have forgotten that in your glossary of terms. But as I did my research I discovered what the problem is. I now think I can definitively declare it. You see Mr Officer, and investigation is defined as "the work of inquiring into something thoroughly and systematically". I think systematic and thorough are well covered by the tedious protocol you use to take my statement. It's the work that gets you, isn't it? The seriousness of the crime just does not warrant the effort does it?

You see, Mr Investigating officer, I was under the impression that my hard earned tax money meant that you are actually a public servant, and you should serve me and the rest of those hurt directly or indirectly by the criminal activities around us. I wonder, will someone have to die before you start to investigate?

Anyway - I'm done talking to a disembodied voice on the other side of the phone. I just thought I would write a little public letter - for my friends (who also contribute to your salary). Tomorrow, I will bring the witnesses to you. Maybe you can do your job. Maybe you can't.

Right now - I don't think you give a fuck about me. But I also think you couldn't be arsed about the people that would definitely suffer if we decided to say: "To hell with it - we're going to rather employ the fruits of our labour elsewhere!" Your failure to care just a little bit, Mr Officer, might just mean that one day soon, the 130 people or so that work here with me will no longer be able to feed, clothe and house the over 300 people that depend on them!

So, thanks for nothing - so far! We hope that we can crack the case ourselves.

Blooms that sould beat (some sense into you!)

Mulberry madness

I must just tell you. Shiny gave me a blog award... because I grow flowers. It is my first award so I am honoured. But there was no logo for me to load into my sidebar for all to see, so I can't make up my mind if it was on of those activity "meme's" couched as an award, or a real award on it's way in the post for proud display on my mantle piece in amongst my Super Hero figurine collection.

I would put it next to all my other trophies, but the only other award I've got in my entire life had to be returned to the club I represented (much like Shiny's hurdling trophy) so it could be dished out to the next seasons 'most improved player'.

In any event, it is with a bow and a flourish that I gratefully accept the award. Thank you, thank you... I'll be signing autographs a little later. I may even get to the task associated with winning when Shiny actually allows those of us who care to post the award in their sidebar to go fetch it. ;)

But, I'm here now, posting this post in the hope that some of my former readers will come flocking back to reward my desperate attempts at seeking attention. Well, that's not entirely true - I'm not desperate yet, but I certainly don't mind a little attention.

A Facebook friend, the fabulous "Mr C.D!" made a comment the other day about how much he hates Mulberry trees. Visions of splattered berries and colourful bird poop deposits on what should be the shiny surfaces of his car sprang to mind. How irritating I thought. But for every challenge, there must be a solution! These are a few sprang that to mind:

1. Park in another spot, thereby avoiding the berries splattering from the tree above as well as the large numbers of birds generously lending an inadvertant hand to seed dispersal.
2. Install a scare-crow onto the car's aerial. It's just about Halloween and that might pass as sane for a week or two at least.
3. Spend all his free time harvesting the offending mulberries into a selection of woven baskets, complete with red and white checked lining, to be sold at the local county fair or turned into fifteen years worth of Mulberry Jam (jello for the few American readers who may peruse this blog on occasion)!

Since option three is the one with the most commercial potential, I thought I might even do a little more research on the matter and forward him pruning tips for the off season and a number of delightful mulberry jam based recipe's to help him market the fruits of his labour (and tree).

I've not listed Mulberry trees for the production of silkworm cocoons, because unless your kids are working a sweatshop in your garage after school, lets face it, shoe boxes full of worms pooing all over a fresh harvest of Mulberry leaves are pretty dull at the best of times. And all that silk production will of course not deliver the desired result: Removing the offending berries!

Alas after this stroke of sheer genius, I have to admit that I have now decided to hate Mulberry trees too! You see, we have a Mulberry tree standing close to our office. It's full of fruit and the kids on the farm that normally eat from it seem to have wizened up to their incredible laxative powers and have steered well clear of the blasted 'boom' with as wide a berth as they could muster.

I don't park near the tree and the proliferation of Indian Minah birds in the vicinity keeps most potential berry loving birds far far away. However, this wonderful tree, laden with fruit - that has so far not offended even the most precious of car-bonnet-paint-aficionado's - has spawned a gazillion miggies (tiny winged flies) that hover in rather large but barely visible numbers around the offices!

Yes - these little miggies - duck and dive around our heads all day long, oblivious to the incredible distraction they cause. They swoop so close to my head they just about chart an uninvited course up my nose, or try find the shortest route from one side of my head to the other, through the ear canal. Contrary to belief, much like Amerigo Vespucci and Chris Columbus did not find the wonders of the East Indies by sailing west, it is not a feasible route.

The worst however, is when they fly into the outer reaches of my peripheral vision. Remember now that these insects are very very small and can only be readily observed at close range. Although silent, their presence is very disturbing - which means, like all irritants that fly around ones head, they must pay the ultimate price. But, as any insect worth a little more than its weight in salt should, they employ terribly effective evasion strategys. These blighters do not fly in straight lines. They barely even fly gaily forward if you must know. In fact being so small, they are deceptively quick and are rather difficult to swat with naked hands or whatever other tools may be at hand at any given moment. To my point though...

I had quite a few meetings today, and during all those meetings with all manner of nice and important people, I found myself swatting and clapping at these near invisible creatures. And then, of course, sometimes they weren't even there! I mean, you can only apologise so many times before one starts calling for men in white coats and leather jackets with freakishly long sleeves. In retrospect - I can only imagine how freaking spazzed out I looked! I know, you haven't heard the word spazz since at least 1986, but I used it now and that's that. I can not apologise any more for using the word 'spazz' than I can for swatting fruitlessly at fruit eating bugs.

And at the root of it all: I still hate Mulberry trees!

Blooms... galore

Well - my affinity for posting these days has been totally usurped by the convenience of Tweeting. I can update all and sundry (including Facebook) about my comings, goings and share opinions and links etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!

CV and I have been very very busy of late because of changes in our work environment and lot's has happened since I last posted about daily life. The most significant being appointed a Director at Rolf Flowers.

On the personal front, I went to my first ever PRIDE event with CV and other friends and we had a gay old time! And for CV's birthday, we enjoyed a thoroughly colonial picnic at the Johannesburg Country Club, as one does as one approaches forty. He got oh so many gifts... I don't mind saying I'm a little jealous....

To my point though - before I find myself digressing too much. I love to employ my creative side from time to time. We've been working on getting a Rolf Flowers website LIVE fairly soon, but there's bee a lack of pictures. So yesterday afternoon I spent a whole lot of time taking pictures. If I dare say so myself, many of them are absolutely stunning! There's plenty more pictures than the few loaded here, I just wanted to share a little of what's makes me very very excited. And so without further ado, please see how my job definitely can colour ones life...

MARVELous News?!?

Good gawd.... it's been more than a month since my last post. I make no excuses for my sudden disappearance save to say it's been a tumultuous 30 odd days on the work front with massive change and a dramatic effect on my day to day existence as a consequence.

Today's post however is inspired by what I consider a disappointing piece of news that I picked up on Twitter, via Alyssa Milano (who's gracing our DSTV screens once again in re-runs of Who's the Boss on Series Channel on Thursday nights!)...

MARVEL comics has been bought by Disney!

Their announcement came out in that matter of fact way... with details of share deals and buyout structures and the strategic importance of being entertainments leading players, blah blah, blah - whatever!

What's the problem? They're not so different one might think.... both appear to be aimed at kids and both seem relatively innocuous. Somehow though, I think Marvels clever social commentaries and the 'liberated view' of challenging moral questions will silently disappear into a softer more dare I say it - 'conservative' form of entertainment.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm a fan of both. Some of the greatest animated features the world has ever seen have been crafted by the Disney creative. And being a sucker for digital animation, the Pixar association in particular made me revel in the revival of the Disney brand in the 90's.

But whilst Disney has always presented wholesome family fare, Marvel's appeal was that is was packed with fantastic serialised superhero stories loaded with Kapow!! There's the certain peril of cities or worlds, loads of action, flying, fighting! And then there's the stories of women and men concealing their secret identities and being unable to find and keep a hold of true love due to that. There's the angst of being different but rising above potential ridicule and ostracisation to save the day.

Will Marvel comics retain that edge that's made it so appealing to me and millions of others at it's core. Or are some of those things that attracted me to the world of superheros be lost forever?

If some of their star writers start bailing, know that the writing is on the proverbial wall.

I wait with bated breath.

Joburg Winters have their own beauty... really

Rambler had a little gripe about the cold and I commented saying it had just given me an idea for a post. I know some people that laugh at our gripes about Gauteng's cold. Minus 5 degree centigrade is but a walk in the park for them. My sister who lives somewhere in the Midwestern United States sends us her winter updates of minus Fahrenheit temperatures (something closer to -20 deg Centigrade) and multiple feet of snow!!!

A couple of years ago we also had a spot of snow.






In truth it was more of a very thick frost and bitterly cold. But every year we have frost out at the farm. Some years it's from as early as late March. This year we were 'lucky'. ANd I use that terms as reservedly as one can. The early winter was actually quite mild, until a few weeks ago. Then a nasty little cold front came trundling through and quashed my dream of a blamy winter...


I got an SMS the other day informing that the writer had seen frost... I assumed this was his first time seeing frost this winter and howled with laughter. I'm usually out and about long before sunrise, so I've been seeing frost since May. Granted, it's farm land, in a valley - which makes cold and frost a certain fact of winter mornings. It's easier walking through the greenhouses on winter mornings though. Our climate control systems try to maintain temperatures of 18 degrees Centigrade ably assisted by up to three coal fired boilers. Walking between them is little more challenging.


Winter on the highveld is a dusty affair. The air is often thickened by the smoke of hectares worth of veld fires. But the charred remains of some cows unfinished grazing land makes for a wonderful sight in the morning. Our blackened landscape is momentarily cast as a winter wonderland decked in a wafer thin layer of dazzling white ice. When I walk around outside to the irrigation dams, the tiny crystals of frozen dew glisten in the first rays of sunlight catching my eye time and time again. It makes my heart sing a tiny joyful song. Ok - the joyful song is bit of a stretch because my brain is usually as numbed by the cold as my toes and nose are - but you get the picture.


Late afternoons, with their impossibly rapid sunsets are often hazy. The dust, thrown up by the wheels of numerous trucks and cars on the dirt roads around us, hangs thick in the air - leaving my windscreen hopelessly dusty and me slightly dis-vantged. But it makes for the most incredible sunsets. I'm often greeted by crimson horizons that fade into a darkening bronze haze on the way home in the afternoon, and so long as I stay within the confines of my heated bakkie (pick-up) it really can be a beautiful sight.


But it's nearly August and at the back of my mind, even firmly in the grips of winters gnarled, dry grasp, there's the certainty of Spring, now palpably around the corner. New growth is being primed in the trees and veld around me. Within a few weeks there will be spots of colour as the first brave blossoms peep from the branches of various indigenous veld trees and the fruit orchards. Fields of corn will be planted by farmers on their enormous tractors and the germinating seedlings will transform the tilled red earth of those barren fields into endless rows of tiny green sprouts that will gain inches weekly, eventually obscuring my now panoramic horizon view to a few short meters before being met by a wall of fresh green growth.


Until then of course - I'll battle through, looking for those spots of beauty on bitterly cold mornings, hoping we're not blasted by too many frigid winds that make the sunlight deceivingly inviting.


Ciao for now.

A bit about meme...

Thanks to Allie for INSISTING that I complete this meme. :0)}

Quite honestly, it looks like it's going to be a little more difficult to complete than doing a web surf for topical links to post - but fortunately less so than something requiring more than a little research and fact checking.... Anyhoo..... Here goes.

I am: a reasonable, logical but passionate guy.... I think

I have: a distinct dislike for cold weather and short days.

I know: more than I think sometimes, and far to little at others.

I don't think: therefore I am... Hmm, somehow that doesn't sound right - hehe. Seriously though, I don't think about the consequences of my actions sometimes. But mostly - I actually over think.

I want: my chance already!

I have: a good enough memory to know that I've answered this already!

I like: Ice cream and dark chocolate... no actually I love those things. I like coffee.

I dislike: brussels sprouts and condensed milk... and no - that's not in combination you silly you - I dislike them both - equally.

I hate: oh - I didn't see this... Scrap the point above. I hate brussels sprouts! Condensed milk can stay as a dislike.

I dream: but I'll be dammed if I can remember them

I fear: angle grinders and high voltage power lines

I am annoyed: when people can't see the logic of a thing - even if it's explained again and again and again... argh!

I crave: (cigarettes) occasionally, but not so much anymore.

I usually: eat breakfast before showering in the morning.

I search: incessantly for answers to things I want to understand

I hide: most of my fears rather well. (I think)

I wonder: why I like to sing songs that don't exist

I know: I've answered this already!

I just can't help: going gaga for superheroes and superhero movies unless they're really really bad.

I regret: sheesh - nothing jumps out at me - so I guess, I regret nothing - YET.

I love: CV, more than rainbows, teddy bears and cu... oops that's an 'in joke' - never mind.

I can't live without: water, food and fresh air and... mah man

I try to: drive conscientiously, but am not all that good at it.

I care about: CV

I enjoy: a good laugh and listening to the layers in music

I don't care: about personal wealth too much - so long as I can live in some comfort

I always: want tell my CV how much I love him...

I never want to: have to use and angle grinder. I'll rather pay someone to do that.

I rely on: people around me to be sincere.

I believe: what I believe... and some might call that not believing. But it takes some faith for me to 'not believe' too.

I dance: when I'm 'cheerful' or when the musics good. Even if I make an ass of myself!

I sing: to our dogs. Ok mostly I sing to Lola, Pablo seems uninmpressed - at work - in the shower - with the radio - hmm - come to think of it - I sing a lot. I may not be good, but I sing anyway.

I argue: passionately if I know what I'm talking about and I have a view to express

I write: because I think I can... never mind what anyone else thinks.

I win: is this a trick question? I never enter anything - so I guess I can't win then, or can I??

I loose: lots of little things but hardly ever my keys, mobile phone or wallet

I wish: I wasn't so paranoid about if my car is locked when I walk away from it in the a parking lot. I lock it about 6 times, every time... argh!

I listen: If I think I need to.

I don't understand: why it takes so long for my computer to boot up in the morning

I'm scared of: angle grinder blades spinning off the grinder and causing serious harm.

I forget: a lot of things... all the time. OH!! It's the 15th today... I nearly forgot.

Hope you had fun reading about meme. If you want to hijack this and do it yourself - go for it. No nominees from my side - I'm one of the last in the 'group' to do it.

CIAO4NOW

Real life journalled... for anyone who's interested

'Tis been very very very very cold of late. This morning it was a frigid -5 deg C outside one of our greenhouses! Blegh. Even when it's that cold I find cause to sing, all be it the lyrics go: "My toes are froze - and so is my noze." (to a source tune I can no longer recall). And now, to top it all off, the daytime highs are reeeeedicewlouly high. It's over 25 deg today. I can't plan a workday wardrobe around this!!! THIS IS CRAZY STUFF!!!!



Anyway, I've been so bleedingly hectic the past couple of weeks that I didn't get a chance to squeeze in even a 'cheat post' last week.



There's that saying: 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade'

I'm reclaiming that: 'When life gives you curveballs, somethings gotta go out of the park'.



I can't say too much right now other than things are a tad topsy turvy at work at the moment, but I have both an uphill battle and a rapidly strengthening strategic position developing. So the out of the park phrase, for those not familiar with baseball, refers to either going out (a biiiig negative) or of course the famous home run... I think I'm on the verge of a potential home run - but I've yet to have the ball pitched at me.



There's also the gathering pace of mine and CV's wedding plans. We've appointed our best men. And they've been so briliant already!! Tomorrow evening we're off to confirm our booking at the venue (I hope). The venue is our mutual favourite and it would be a huge shame not to get things on the go there. We love you CD!!!



To day has flown by like a busy Monday - but TGIF!!!! All I need to do now is leave my office on time for a change so I can get the shops to get a haircut and buy some sorely missed moisturiser. Highveld winters wreak havok on my skin!



With any luck - I'll be able to find a gap to post something deep and thought provoking in the milieu of my 'goings on' pretty soon. Otherwise it'll be the odd blob - now and then.



Ciao4Now

Friday mumblings

It's a busy line-up this weekend:

There's a smashing 3rd place play off against a bunch of Spaniards. I believe Wimbledon is on the go, which is also smashing I'm told...

I have a dinner this evening with one of CV's old school buddies and his partner of ten years... I'm really looking forward to that - ;0)!


Then there's my future-sister-in-law's engagement party (ring in with strains of Zorba the Greek, whilst dodging breaking crockery and back light with Uzo). Whoop-whoop! or is that Opah!! Anywayy, what would mumbling on this Friday be without mentioning Michael Jackson, the thrilling moon walker who re-shaped pop, by crossing over between black and white (musically and otherwise) in the late seventies and early eighties...


I was browsing the worlds news channels gauging 'the wires' on the passing of MJ. I could lay on a homage - but there are plenty of obituaries already doing the rounds. What can I say other than: Sheesh - he was ONLY 50!!! His music is definitely a part of the soundtrack to my life. And, me thinks in many ways he really was a tortured soul. RIP-MJ.


And whilst bumbling through those sites I found this sight about a guy who does art (at £1000 a pop mind you) on egg cartons..... It really is amazing. If anyone knows this artist personally, please let him know I have a room that still needs an egg carton treatment. I'll supply the cartons...

And on that wacky note. I bid thee a happy (and gay if you're that way inclined) weekend!


Ciao4Now

PS - my goodness, blogging's much easier when you're playing a hyperlinking continuity writer... lol!

a cause to pause

My friends mother passed away yesterday. It was sudden and somewhat unexpected and their grief is palpable.

One of their Facebook status updates was: 'never again is such a long time'. It's an eloquent expression of the vacuum her mothers passing will leave. I've never felt that kind of vacuum before - and as I read her status update for the first time I felt deeply for her in her time of loss. I've been given cause to pause.

Today, I'm saddened for those who have just lost someone near and dear. Although I never met her, I'm deeply aware that she must have been a remarkable mother. I know this, because my friends all seem to express themselves in a way that is so genuine; from the heart. And when they smile, you can see something in their eyes - a 'goodness' in their souls.

It seems to me, that it is only through the deep love of a parent, that these qualities can emerge so consistently in so many people all at once. And even though she is gone today - her legacy of love will be felt through them and passed onto their children and their children's children.

I woke up this morning and was distracted from the small things I'm sweating. When my own mortality rises like a spectre of the future before me, I'm mindful of how brief our time here is in the grand scheme of things. I can't help but wonder where I will be and what I will have achieved when I go? Will I have found my dream and lived it?

And then I must ask, does any of that matter? What good is it to have lived the dream or scaled seemingly insurmountable heights to achieve 'greatness'?

Surely it is that the lives of those we've touched are the better for it? Surely we have not lived unless we have truly loved and been loved. It's those connections of love that have the most meaning for those who are left behind.

If that is the mark of a life well lived, then it seems hers was: A life well lived.

"There's a big difference between being gay and being a fag"

With roughly a week remaining before a 40th anniversary I didn't know too much about until a few weeks ago, I thought it fitting to write on something that I've been mulling over. This post was first conceived on 29 May, 2009 after an acquaintance posted a status update that was 'a last straw' of sorts....

I've never really felt truly exposed to rampant homophobia before. You know the kind that might make the news because a violent assault and/or a gang rape left the victim, at the very least, severely traumatised but often comatose or dead. I've heard of these things but tend; shall we say; to 'shelve' them with all the other bad stuff that goes on around us.

I live in a country ridden by some extremely violent and senseless crimes and so, for me, acts of pure hatred tend to get lumped together. Make no mistake though, gay bashing, when it is reported results in the same gut wrenching reaction as when I hear about babies being raped and murdered. To date though, they remain in some sort of disconnected otherworld - because I have never been directly affected by such violence.

There are many levels of homophobia, in the same way there are many levels of sexism, racism and other forms of bigoted thinking.

I've recently been becoming more aware of my gay self within a 'straight' society. And whilst I do prefer to think of myself first as human rather than gay, I am never the less in a state of heightened awareness of my differentness within it. Which gets me to the kernel incident that got me into this post:

When Manchester United recently lost the UEFA Champions League. The aforementioned acquaintance posted a Facebook status update: "...Barcelona is a bunch of fags and we probably lost because of the distraction of them touching our boys' ........"

I saw this and was compelled to comment: "hmmm.... I prefer to call 'em Dirty Spaniards?"

Her reply was a quick apology including: "there's a big difference between being gay and being a fag", which has now become the title of this post.

I don't mean to pick on her directly. This is not the first time I've heard this kind of argument.

I was recently floored when straight counterpart used the word faggot to describe a florist we know.

As with this or many other offensive words for all manner of people, most would just apologise and retract the statement - knowing they've crossed that line of political correctness. Fortunately, I was able to gain some insight because of our relationship and that I was able to turn my battle brain off. I had to question his thinking.

His response was astounding: "I've got no problem with you and gays like you, but I've got a problem with faggots!"

"WTF!!", I thought - not quite aloud. I was angered by what he said. But reining in my emotions, I retorted, "But I am a 'faggot'. I may not be the most effeminate gay guys around, but - I'm still very much a gay man." My emotions now momentarily shelved, I requested more insight.

He responded along the lines: "You're still like, a man. Fags are those queeny limp wristed types... It's like they're putting on a show or something. They weren't all faggoty before they came out - but now they running around like men who wanna be women?" His logic was there is a difference between being gay and being a faggot!

Even though I was still offended, I had to stand down as I contemplated his response.

We call carry prejudices. I know I do - even though I fight them. Just how pervasive is this type of thinking? In this scenario, is what was said 'homophobia' at all? Is it bare faced bigotry? Or is it an essentially 'harmless' expression about a stereotype.

For those who have met me, I think you'll know that I generally did not relate well to particularly effeminate men. That's changed somewhat since I've met some truly fabulous but genuine individuals. I won't lie though, in my core I just can't reconcile extreme femininity and transgerderism within myself.

I discussed this with CV the other day, because I didn't know how to express the multitude of emotions I was feeling about this. As the discussion evolved, it became clear to me. To be uncomfortable with people we don't fully understand is a totally human reaction and it should be embraced. It's how we respond to that discomfort and carry it into our words and actions that draws the fine lines between bigotry and tolerance.

My 'battle' as a gay men, is for people to relate to my humanity - and hopefully in some small change the way people see us. To see past the stereo types. I enjoy many human rights that people like me in more 'advanced' democracies do not enjoy. But although we're have many legal equalities does not mean we are accepted as equals.

My experiences and conversations clearly show me we have a long way to go to rid our world of homophobia and other forms of bigotry. Sadly, I think the gods honest truth is we'll never get rid of all of it. But each of us must own up to our prejudices. In some way we must stand up and account for them. I know I need work towards to a better understanding of everyone I feel different from, not through evasion or pretence, but through staring those differences in the face and making a conscious decision to break free of the misconceptions that feed our bigotry.

And so, as I celebrate and commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots and the birth of the modern PRIDE movement, I have found my rally cry:

"I am human. I am man. I am gay and I am proud of all of me. Know me as a person, before you put your labels on me! And I shall do the same for you."

Ciao4Now

A scholar and a gentleman..

In a follow up to yesterdays musings on fame and celebrity, I must just say that either Mr Van Der Ruit is a very good actor or he is a genuinely funny and very down to earth guy.

He is of course an actor, but our interaction with him last night was totally enjoyable. H's funny, and tweaked our interest with some very 'saucy' tidbits of plans for Spud 4 and the forthcoming movie.

In a few respects it felt like a 'school reunion' or sort, 'cause almost every guy there was seemingly a high powered professional from one or other prestigious boys school.

Speaking of reunions - have a look over at Ramblers latest posting on reunions. Have a great weekend everybody!!! I've got a hectic one lined up - lots of birthday's all around..

Ciao4Now

It's joyful, learning to fly! Or is slumming with the stars really for the birds?

In retrospect, joyful would be too strong a verb - but it does make for a title that titillates... or am I deluding myself? Hehehe.


Tonight's a big night for me and CV. We're off to have dinner with that most wonderful of local wordsmiths, John Van Der Ruit - He of SPUD fame. I've read both instalments and am now in a queue to read the forthcoming release - 'Learning to fly'




This excitement is rather inexplicable though. You see, I'm not prone to staring at stars, the celebrity type, not the astrological ones - of course. I appreciate that the artistes have worked very hard to perfect their craft. This is after all why we pay money to see them on our big screens or small screens or on stages or pop their recordings into our CD players and i-pods or loose ourselves in their captivating prose.


Once upon a time, I lunched with the former 'Kyle' of Isigingo and found it absolutely fascinating how random people would stop and stare or ask for autographs or the latest plot twists in store. It turns out he had more personal problems than anyone could hope for in one lifetime and his star was about to flicker out and die.


And then I vividly recall visiting a friend who was working at a salon in Melrose Arch one day and I ended up making small talk with a certain, if I recall correctly, Vanessa. As small talk goes, I don't fare all that well, but trying valiantly I innocently asked her, 'What is it that you do?'


She looked momentarily perplexed, amazed even as she primly drew herself aback and raised her palm softly to her chest: 'I'm Miss South Africa.'


Determined to remain un-phased, I said, "Oh that's nice. I'm an events promoter. How's being Miss S.A been for you?"


In any event, my point is - at the end of the day, they also have to sleep and (to be far more polite than I normally would be) use the bathroom. I don't get giving them the inflated adoration. It just doesn't make much sense.


I know they've worked incredibly hard to achieve perfection in their craft. I applaud their achievements. But then again - so do many of us work hard. Sometimes, I think even harder. All we get at best though, is the adoration of our little ones and the cheers and support of our spouses, family and friends.


I will never fully get why people swoon over stars. Hmm - come to think of it, I don't think I get celebrity culture at all.


I'm sure Mr Van Der Ruit is a thoroughly nice fellow. CV and I may just pick up a thing or two about successful writing - or maybe we'll pick up absolutely nothing. Either way - I think I'll be pleased if he carries himself across as just a human being like me and you and not a pompous ass - like some stars apparently can be. Truthfully though, never having been to this restaurant before, most of all, I hope the food and wine and other company are good.


CIAO4Now

knowing me... a-ha?

Someone near and very dear asked me why I've not been blogging...

The truth is, I can't really be sure. I'm in a funny place in my head at the moment and feeling kind of um... restless, like I'm not fulfilling something I'm meant to be doing. It may pass and writing about it may add some clarity to the matter... for me as much as you. And before anyone sees some sort of drama on the cards, let me move swiftly to put everything into its place.

I have been in with CV for just over a year now and the whole experience has been illuminating in so many ways, I can't even begin to describe. I could so easily get gushy right now, but I shant - because there's been other sides to knowing him and that's what today's post is all about.

Let's tentatively call the side I'm now referring to as 'the activist'. 'The activist' has changed my understanding of being a gay man. His experiences with the ex-gay ministry as laid bare in many a personal conversation, quite a bit of writing in his blog, as well as some of his personal diaries has moved me to try to understand myself better. This is not to say I previously didn't have a fair grasp of who I am. But, in my openly gay but somewhat 'closeted' recent past, I was all about work. Blooms and beats dominated just about everything I did... so much so there was not much time for anything in between.

This past year has seen me blossom in a way that was totally unexpected. Argh! I hate to use flowery terms - but that's what come off the fingertips, so I'll stick with it. My exposure to the 'activist' has partly driven my own recent explorations.

So I've been reading quite a bit. You may or may not have read my recent post on gay superheroes. That required tons of reading.

And then of course there's CV's award winning blog and other blogs on the gay experience.

I've reading 'The Velvet Rage' by Alan Downs. It's made me emotional and sometimes angry. It's revealing without being particularly instructive or helpful (so far). But it has rapidly changed the way I perceive myself and most other gay men. I won't recommend it yet - the jury is still out for me.

Knowing 'the activist' got me reading up even more on the story of Harvey MILK, slamming PRIDE - and then thinking about it a little bit more. Undertaking researching and ultimately deepening my understanding of the history of the gay rights movements (and the importance of Drag queens) and where gay rights are going now.

It's also lead to debating in sometimes very lively discussions gay marriage, being publicly gay and changing societal norms.

And I've been... consuming ('cause watching would be far too soft a verb) the 1st season of the US version of Queer as Folk. Although it was launched in 2000 and has become somewhat of a cult classic among gay men the world over, I couldn't watch it on my Zone 2 DVD system. The problem's been solved recently thanks to the suggestion of one of my many 'techno whizz' friends. It's fascinating. I totally relate to some aspects and can't believe others. It's a gritty candid drama about gay men and I think it's brilliant. There's four seasons to go after this. At least I'll have all of them on hand when I want to tuck into the next batch.

And finally - linking my recently awoken passion for reading, writing, the drama of the comic book hero and QAF (there's a comic book link developing), I just bought a few pencils and eraser to take up something I've not done seriously since high school... drawing.

I wanted to become a designer once upon a time. And a musician. And an author. And an entrepreneur. And a radio presenter using my influence to make positive changes (but not a politician - because I'm a lousy liar). And a priest (yes - even a priest).

Which brings me right back to the beginning again. I'm in a funny place in my head at the moment still restless. I can't shake the feeling that I'm not fulfilling something "greater", that I'm meant to be doing.

Ok, so it hasn't passed by writing about and I can't claim any further clarity on the matter... Maybe I should blog more frequently to express the things I feel I need to. Maybe, that's the way we change the world - one post, drawing and song at a time.

Ciao4Now

don't tell me you've been sleeping around when you've actually been sleeping around

So I was sleeping around (mailed) a link to recording of Mr Flloyd Shivambu of ANCYL excercisng his right to sleep around (to reply) on the 702 with Ridi Direko, about what he was sleeping around (meant) when he said Helen ZIlle has been sleeping around.

If anyone was sleeping around with me, or if I was sleeping around with anyone else, I would indeed be happy to have this person sleeping around (representing) for me. Beacuse as you'll hear, sleeping around is nothing more than sleeping around. And that's exactly what it means.

I slept around (laughed my ass off)!

Have a sleeping around (great) weekend EVERYBODY!
Ciao4Now... or is that SleepingAround?

I've been looking queerly at comic books

This post has been brewing for some time and invariably will be rather long and detailed by the time I'm done writing - so if you're the kind to settle in and read -go and grab that cup of tea or coffee now...

I've never really been a reader of comic books per se, but I became a fan of the world of superheroes with the onslaught of very well produced movies in the early nought-ies. I loved the drama, the action and I especially loved the special effects. I lapped them up like a parched camel might tackle a watering hole.

I recall an interview, with Stan Lee, MARVEL Comics foremost superhero creator, where he mentioned that the genesis of the mutants in X-men during the turbulent sixties resonated in particular with minority groupings in the US like blacks, gays and the disabled. They related to their personal angst at dealing with their differentness from the rest of society and how society was dealing so differently with them.

Not surprisingly, as a gay man, this sparked an ever intensifying flame of interest for the genre and the 'origins' of the superheroes themselves. I've been spurred to seek out the existence (or lack thereof) of gay superheroes and to explore how they’re reflected?

I'm not talking about the over speculated but totally misconceived relationship between Batman and his ward Robin, nor some of the heroes of sometimes erotic underground publications. I mean the 'real deal'; heroes that are 'written gay' by their authors - in the mainstream publications of DC and MARVEL.

I could discourse at length about the history of gay’dom in comics over many decades, but there are resources penned by greater super hero geeks than me, and two better ones are found here and here. I found however, that there were a few significant storylines that aptly illustrated some parallels with our story in the real world.

In the late seventies and early eighties, as gay men across America were fighting for protection from discrimination, their conservative Christian counterparts led by Senator Briggs and a former Miss America Anita Bryant to name but a few, were playing to the popular view that gay men were amongst other things paedophiles recruiting innocent children to their 'sinful ways'.

And so, I guess, it came as no surprise when there was a story line in 'A very Personal Hell' (The HULK #23 - Marvel, October 1980) where Bruce Banner is accosted in the public showers at the Manhattan YMCA. I think that story showed every straight mans nightmare encounter. The near rape scene shows how gays were viewed by the world: Sex crazed men bent on having their way by any means possible.

But, without any feather boas or sequined spandex, an intentionally gay hero called Northstar was introduced to the MARVEL universe in a new team called Alpha Flight (Alpha Flight #1 - Marvel, August 1983). He was however, not out. By the mid eighties, a sufficient number of hints and comments had been dropped and there was wide spread speculation about his sexuality. In effect, like many young gay men of the era, only his big toe was unintentionally out of the closet.

At the same time, hysteria around the 'gay plague' – AIDS - saw to it that Northstar was also afflicted by a dread disease, with persistent coughing and other mysterious AIDS-like symptoms. It was originally planned he’d succumb to the disease in the 50th issue, but the publishers would not have it. Instead it was revealed his disease was actually a curse cast upon him by a 'fairy'!?!

Attitudes towards homosexuality changed glacially into the nineties. But, I think that when AIDS finally became a human disease it marked a major a turning point for gays in real life as it was for the superheroes in comic books as is so aptly described in the following scene quoted here as a narrative from Lonley Gods .com (Alpha Flight #106, MARVEL, March 1992):

When Northstar discovered an abandoned baby girl that had AIDS he adopted the baby as his own and began to promote AIDS awareness. This act enraged the retired superhero Major Mapleleaf, whose gay son died of AIDS the year before. Mapleleaf decided to attack Northstar for the perceived injustice.

"My son Michael was a victim of AIDS as well!" Mapleleaf monologued as he traded blows with Northstar. "But he was gay - so people didn't afford him the luxury of being 'innocent'. There were no press conferences, no fund-raisers, no nightly news updates .... And now you come along! You with your cute and sweet and photogenic little orphaned girl .... My son wasn't guilty of anything. But because he was gay, he didn't rate!"

Northstar responded with a punch, yelling back: "Do not presume to lecture me on the hardships homosexuals must bear. No one knows them better than I. I am not inclined to discuss my sexuality with people for whom it is none of their business – I am gay!"

This revelation only enraged Mapleleaf further: "You're one of Canada's most prominent public figures, both here and abroad! Before that, you were a renowned Olympic athlete! Don't you realize the good that you can do?! By not talking about your lifestyle - by closeting yourself - you're as responsible for my son's death as the homophobic politicians who refuse to address the AIDS crisis!"

Northstar finally ended the fight with several more blows before coming to an amiable conclusion with Mapleleaf. "We do agree on one thing, sir. It is past time that people started talking about AIDS, about its victims. Those who die ... and those of us left behind."

By the dawn of the 21st century, a growing number of characters, hero’s and villains alike were either introduced, outed or re-written in as gay like the cowboy character The Rawhide Kid, whose origin dates back to 1955, was re-introduced as gay in 2003.

In the same year, for the first time an openly gay couple were introduced with a new team the Young Avengers (Young Avengers #1, MARVEL, March 2003). The shape shifting Hulkling (who's no relation to HULK) and Wiccan have since been depicted as a pair of young heroes who care for each other deeply. Their relationship and sexuality is so normalised within the story that it's never a diversion.

But as we all know, coming out is not always like that. Our relationships are in general not widely viewed as normalised as in the Young Avengers example. For many the fear of rejection when coming out to our friends and family is a nightmare come true. And in the ever increasing discourse on matters of sexuality, comic books have stepped up to the task to discuss the issue with readers allowing them to decide how to relate to a not so rosy ending.

In one of the X-series’, Colossus's has been re-written as gay but, this was not revealed until Northstar was incorporated into the team and they start dating (Ultimate X-men #65, MARVEL, January, 2006).

Colossus told his team mate, the devoutly Catholic, blue skinned, three toed and tailed Nightcrawler that Northstar asked him to his school's prom. Nightcrawler incredulously asked...

Colossus replies: "If a man as unique as you no longer has to hide in the shadows, I fail to see why someone like me should. Wouldn't you agree?"

Nightcrawler could however not accept this.

The conversation continued: "I know you've been avoiding me since you think you found out what I am." Colossus began. "Do you think that I am attracted to every man? Why would you think that? I will admit, your skin is cute, but you are not my type. So do not worry, I promise to keep my hands to myself. Can we just go back to the way things were? .... I am the same friend you knew."

To which Nightcrawler angrily replied, "I am thinking, now ... that I did no know that friend very well." ( Ultimate X-men #67, MARVEL, February, 2006).

In my research into the history of the superheroes, has made it clear that the depiction and assimilation of homosexuality has evolved through the years. Our kind are now well documented in the annals of DC and Marvel and our depictions in those parallel universes has progressed much like our story in real life. Today it seems the overall view of gay supers is being positive – hopefully helping us find wider acceptance in more than just the strangest of places.

Ciao4now

Winter and writing weary - already!

Winter makes me decidedly lazy (and yes, this may well be another feeble excuse for not blogging). It's true, and the sad thing is, it's not really even winter! But she is definitely making her presence felt. We've had a good deal of frost here on the farmlands already and the air is far cooler, dryer and dustier, wreaking havoc with my ever so delicate skin (kidding) and sinuses (not kidding).

Clearly, it's not my favourite time of year, because not only do I feel lethargic, I can become rather crabby. This is mostly because I never get to see the sun during my playtime. Sure I get the sun - but during work hours. And all this extended darkness makes me mis. I could never live in northern Europe, where winter days clock in at under 10 hours of daylight. I think I'd end up murdering rude cashiers at the local Tesco or throwing myself into the Themes. I like summers sunshine - I really do. Summer days, mean I drive home in daylight and can regularly relish a chilled glass of wine on the patio as the last glimmers of light fade sweetly into the cool of a summer evening and the Ha-di-da's finally shut up till long after I've left for work the following morning.

Lets face it, weekends in winter are best spent in the arms of ones lover (when not making homes pretty and such). And the arms of ones lover are almost always better when snuggled under a duvet rather than sitting on the bone chillingly windy stoop outside - trying to soak up some of the Highvelds deceptively sunny winter days. Not that I mind snuggling under a duvet with my lover watching a DVD and slowly sipping some hot chocolate. Opting for that pleasure though, means the sun is sidelined for a few months.

On the upside though, when the season turns - you'll get to hear me really sing the praises of the bright blue sky's and the green shoots emerging from mother earths tilled soils. I won't get into that now - lets wait for the season to turn. In the mean time, I'll hobble along with my wintry lethargy, battling to go to gym and stay away from chocolate and other such comfort foods.

Recently, I've found myself somewhat challenged with two writing missions. OK, I lie, one's a mission, the other's a task. Lets begin with the TASK - *sighs with trepidation*

Unlike Rambler, who is involved with wordsmithery for a living, I am involved with plants. But somewhere along the line someone may have noted that I write a pretty formidable formal letter or am I deluding myself? My formal writing comes laced with pompous undertones and haughty legalistic phrasing. Hey, what can I say, when it's formal writing, one does not want to seem too casual or come over as imbecilic(is imbecilic even a word???). This 'knack' however has landed me the daunting task of scribing the entire conents of our website, including a description of our business activities; a condensed version (some 200 words or less I think) of a fifty year history as well as any other content we enthusiastically thought we might want to present to all and sundry.

Needless to say, not a word has been written yet thanks in part to the large amount of other reports and technical analysis relevant to growing plants that I've been interpreting and responding to... and of course a slight sense of being overwhelmed (by the writing task, not the reports).

I've written loads of 'corporate' stuff before - but always for dance parties and other hedonistic persuits - so this is quite a step away from a comfort zone for me. The style brief for our business's site is: "Formal, but not intimidating, almost conversational but not too chatty or light." What kind of a brief is that anyway?? Hmm, I may have to consider commissioning Rambler to help out a little. Anyone care to second that motion?

The second writing item is THE mission. It's the thing I posted about last week. Not a word has been written about that either. But I shall get it done. Alas, it's not my style to write in little bits and pieces. But as the clarity of my point develops, I shall try transcribe my thoughts into a succinct 'story'. Until then, it muddles through my thoughts, being stacked with new ideas as other pieces of information come to light....

OK - so now I'm babbling, instead of working on one of these pieces that's rather more important than this post. Off I go>>> *breathes deeply as if preparing to take a plunge into frigid water*

Ciao4Now

Do two threads make a string??

So as some of you who are friends with me on FB or TWITTER will have picked up, I've been doing a bit of research recently.

It's made a link between two threads of thought. One thread's about superhero's and the other is about the Harvey Milk story... A bizarre combination perhaps, but I've made some links between them but it's taking a bit of thought. I hate to say it, but it's a bit of a social anthropology analogy. Anyway, I'm still working on it - but I promise myself and anyone else reading this, if anything else interesting comes up between when it's ready and now, I'll be sure to post an update. But trust me, nothing of major interest (that hasn't been covered by my uber talented other half) has come up recently

In any event, I'm now committed to the task. By doing this post, I've made it public that I have something to say and I MUST stick to my guns on this one and finish putting it together.
I just want to cross my "I's" and dot my "T's"....

Oh, and I have one further thing to say; besides the totally addictive American Idol, I've been sopping up knowlege on Channels 250 to 256 on DSTV. Which just made me think... this is probably why I feel like I must write something really intelligent. And then maybe I'll become famous, not nearly as famous as Rambler, but famous none the less. ;0)

Boy, do I wish time did not fly as quickly as it does. It must be the shorter days!

Ciao4Now

Crosses everywhere

Electioned out?? A lot of people made huge efforts to make sure we could reach this day. I just hope any saffers who had the opportunity to vote did not squander the opportunity.

I voted (only once alas) on Wednesday. I didn't notice that my ID wasn't stamped till I actually looked!

Considering this. They didn't stamp my ID book. If the infernal ink had come off my finger (my fingernail was sparklingly clear 10 minutes after voting) I would have tried again at another station - and they would have been none the wiser. Did anyone consider that?? Did anyone do that??

I have a few suggestions for the IEC - but my biggest would be that they should have the procedures and rules on posters in the voting stations.

Talking about rules, I was also a little perturbed by the PARTY table so close to the voting station. And no, they weren't stocking voters up with streamers, those tooty things or asking us to blow out random number of candles whilst making wishes (although in retrospect that seems like a darn good idea now). This was a political party pitching up a table to "assist voters with queries" about 5 metres from the door of the voting station?!?!

The SAPS didn't seem to know if a POLITICAL PARTY could do that: "It's up to the presiding officer" I was told. Hmmm not that kosher me thinks. There were very clear rules for '94, but I don't know if they changed. So, I got no further than my query to the cops..

Anyway - I made my mark - the Anti Nuptial Contracts have done it again - and good for them. A reporter for the Washington Post called into 702 on Thursday to comment that new nations often go through water-shed transitions (some for the better some for the worse) in the 18 - 23 yr post Independence elections. That means next elections will be even more important than this one - assuming our Constitution is still in tact. I'm 95% confident it will be... lets hope the other 5% of my gut concern is completely wrong. There are some very good arguments as to why they won't play with the constitution - my cynical side says you can't keep a gravy train running with out all the foreign investment 'fuels'.

OK - so that's election's covered. I didn't mean to be so negative, but I think we (or any other for that matter) will always be a nation at risk when one party holds the constitutional majority.

Moving on... As those of you following Rambler will know, he recently added that sleek black and beautiful HD ready, LCD TV to the lounge. However, CV loves to watch telly in bed. Until the other day that was restricted to DVD's, 'cause the TV reception was appalling.

In our mountain-bike-shopping-expedition-gone-awry the fitness freak (me apparently) became softened by the lure of new gadgets (not entirely untrue). In the ensuing technology daze, I was determined to up the ante and add a remote blaster into the mix to remedy the TV-in-the-bedroom situation. These wireless blaster thingies cost a pretty penny and offer the world.

Now, I don't consider myself unskilled in the realm of connecting signal cables, I was a DJ after all and have connected so many sound systems, it's pretty much childs play. But after at least half an hour, I sat dazed, confused and somewhat frustrated before boldly declaring this confounded instrument did not have the correct cabling to split the signal to send it out to the bedroom. Removing this huge NO WAY JOSE cross to sending the DSTV signal to the bedroom was now a mission incomplete and had me stewing.

CV said I should take it back to the store and ask them to show ME how to connect the cables. As you can imagine; in my context; that was like a lass asking her beau to stop and ask for directions! BTW - this is not meant to imply gender specific roles between us, it's merely an illustrative example. Incidentally I have no problem asking for directions - but GPS makes that generally unnecessary.

I digress! I partially took that advice. I went go back to the store, having decided I needed 1-to-2 RCA cables. And after much discussion with the shop assistant, who unswayed by my assertions was trying to sell me a signal modulator. In the end, I vigorously demonstrated my genius plan to the guy. He conceded and thanked me for showing him something new, even though he'd lost a sale of R400-00 for a meagre R60-00 solution. I was smiling though.

Triumphant, I returned home and installed the solution, much to CV;s delight I might add! ;0) I did pick up a signal from our neighbours device, but managed to solve that by changing the remote signal pots.

Now, there's crossed signals eliminated and crosses made at the polling booth and we're all the better off for it it seems. YAY! Happy Friday everyone! Series channel forever!

Bits and bobs that are on my mind...

This month is so mottled with religious, political and other public holidays - I can barely keep up with all the supposed time off. It's worse than Christmas really, a whole month of not being able really settle down into anything, I simply end up being rather uninspired (to write).

But it's been more than a week since my last post - and that's almost enough to qualify as 'bailing out'. I'm still feeling uninspired, at this point, so I'm going to try one of those Stephen King manoeuvres that Rambler was talking about not too long ago.

Today, I just start writing and see what comes out on the other side.

Yesterday, I updated my Facebook status via Twitter, expressing frustration at not being able to hold an internet connection long enough to blog. I got a few comments on that, which was nice. The gawds honest truth though, is every time I sign in, my Internet Explorer suddenly goes 'offline'. This only happens at work though. If, I've got the time to write at home - then my GSM modem serves me incredibly well. I don't quite know why it is like that, but it's terribly frustrating. None the less, we continue forth (or fifth if you find fourth's not working too well). *you may now groan as your corn-o-meter red lines - LOL*.

I digress! Or do I? I still haven't found anything to write about. I don't want to bore myself and any other readers with matters pertaining to fitness and diet - although, this is something I do dedicate a fair amount of time too now.

On that note though, I've been wondering what I should do with my new fitness levels. I mean - I train hard every day, build up a massive sweat and for what? It's great being healthy and all, and I do so enjoy spending that hour or so a day in the Gym environment, snapping muscle fibres as I push, pull and fling various weights around. OK, so fling is an overstatement, but you get the drift.

In a way, the gym is my quiet time. It's the place where I end up unwinding from the stresses or frustrations of the day before heading home. Some how, I think I've mentioned this before, so I shall move one swiftly from here back to my point.

Now that my resting pulse is nice and low, and I have a very hard time keeping it up (my pulse that is) whilst working out, I know I'm now at a fitness level bordering on very very good, but not quite Lance Armstrong good. I've thought about running, but only for an instant as a simple entry point to competitive sports. I've considered joining the local football team as an alternative option. But my knees are not in the best shape, and somewhat prone to getting very sore very quickly. So I'm excluded from any impact sports. Which pretty much leaves skiing, swimming and cycling.

I've been (very very loosely, mind you) considering mountain biking. But this is something I need to discuss in greater depth with my special man before I go on in this forum.

Talking about my special man. We're planning for our honeymoon and wedding. I think I like the ideas Pierre had and will strongly consider doing that before we get married. Anyway, we're looking for somewhere exotic, exciting and idyllic. On a personal level, I'd also like another bash at getting a real sun tan. If anyone out there has a suggestion or three - swing them by me. Unlike my man CV, I've not traveled much: Germany, Holland, Botswana & Namibia make up the full list, but all of those visits were in the 80's, when I was too young to appreciate (take advantage of) the nightlife and such.

Shame, he's also been sick. Well, let me paraphrase that. he was sick. I gave him some TLC on Wednesday evening, 'cause he really needed it. Dinner was served in bed and we even ate chocolate. But I can't lie. I'm usually more inclined to let sick little puppies get the rest they need, undisturbed, because whe I'm a sick little puppy, I can be a hectically vicious terrier!

The good new is, yesterday he was his vibrant mischievous self. And I was beaming from ear to ear, probably a little more internally than externally, but beaming none the less. It's good to have him back from the depths of his near invisible misery.

OK - so this still qualifies as a post about nothing really. And I say - HEY! What the hell. This is kind of a public journal - and we all know what happens if journals don't get written... The memories simply fade away like sign writing without UV protection, slowly disappearing until they become nothing more than indistinct translucent hues on the enormous white backboard of our lives.

Yes, it is now written on my big whiteboard in the sky. One day I shall be able to look back and remember that I'm not a fan of April in South Africa - with it's multitude of holidays and the first whisperings of winter breathing down my neck in the early mornings. And I shall also look back and see if I ever did start mountain biking and remember the embryo of our honeymoon and wedding plans and look back fondly at the memory of going on away before (or after) the wedding...

Ciao 4 Now

Chronicles of Bana(na) - the pain, the watch and the wardrobe

So it's been a little while since I last posted. Mostly, cause I've been very busy, being busy and also, my internet connection at the office seems to hate me blogging, which is a whole other blog about conspiracy theories on it's own.

SO, without further adue, lets begin with a little translation - Bana is the isiPedi (Northern Sotho) word for Man. And being one (a man and not a isiPedi word that is), I thought I'd play off that a little to craft my Chronicles of Narnia word twist. Hehe. I've actually had today's title in mind for most of the week since my last post, but I didn't have a story to fill in all the bits, so I waited.... And I've been waiting until today. And now; I can revel in my true genius!!! *laughing manically to self, whilst passers by consider committing me for psychiatric*

The Pain

This morning, I feel like I'm suffering from sunburn. What on earth am I doing with sunburn in April any wise person would ask. The truth of the mater is it isn't sunburn at all. Nope, no sunburn for me, not now. Instead the discomfort I'm dealing with today is from a long contemplated, but not previously acted upon piece of 'cosmetic enhancement'.

I'm a hairy lad. The fact that I was bald by 27 is a hint at that. I've previously trimmed my stomach and chest hair back with a barbers 'buzzer' and have been waxing my awfully hairy back just under a year. Why would I do this? Well for starters, my dad's domestic, amongst others, used to called me Max (the Gorilla), for the latter part of my high school years. And then not too long ago a female friend asked me, not so politely, why I hadn't taken my shirt off, moments after I'd dived into a pool (sans shirt of course)!

I digress... The point is, all this body hair has bothered me a little. As a homosexual, I believe I should not have that much body hair, even if I'm what they would call butch! And now, especially with my recently found 'gym body', it was covering up all the definition I've worked so hard for.

So, after much contemplation, I decided to book myself for a chest wax, to match my back wax. Yesterday was the day of the Big Wax. That's even the way I noted it in my diary - the BIG WAX. With much trepidation, I entered the 'spa' took my shirt off and submitted myself to the mercy, or lack thereof, of the beautician. I won't lie, there were times my eyes watered and I whimpered - which is not the same as crying, but it comes pretty close.

How bad was it? Let's put this into perspective, we're talking about roughly 880 square cm of dense body hair being yanked off in the space of a few minutes! Last nights shower was decidedly COLD for my tastes, but that was the only way to stay comfortable. As a precaution, my chest and stomach are very well oiled today, and I have a sachet of moisturising lotion in my pocket for it's cooling powers once the oils have worn off. I just hope the uncomfortable tingling and red spots of the inflamed follicles subsides in the next 24hrs. I got through it - and after seeing the results - I've already booked for next month! I think CV's also impressed, which helps! :0)

Ladies, with your 'Brazilians' - I know your pain, and now I suspect, much more.


The Watch


It was my birthday recently, and mah man CV bought me (amongst other things) a new watch. This is no ordinary watch though - it's a POLAR F11. The POLAR range of watches is designed for future or present fitness guru's. For the unfit, I suspect this watch could be likened to the 'Hitleresque' gym class teacher you hated so much at school.

When starting the thing up to the first time, you basically measure your fitness, choose what kind of fitness level you whish to achieve and follow the workouts it plans for you.

My first week was a bit of a disaster as I learnt how to use the watch and tried to figure out which of my current workouts would slot relatively comfortably into the watches pre-set requirements. In spite of that, and much to CV`s dismay I was awarded a trophy for my efforts.

I kid you not though, if you're working out to the watches rhythm, this thing pushes you - HARD! I swam yesterday (which was the only workout I could do after the big Wax). My workout was only supposed to be 35 minutes, but it took me 8 minutes and 20 laps just to get up to my required heart rate to start. By the end of it, 48 minutes in total, I'd done 92 laps (2,3 Km's or 1,43 miles)! I guess that's make me a shoe in for a decent finish the Midmar next year. So me thinks I'll be entering.

Thank you polar (and CV of course) - for making me even more, more aware of fitness levels, but now with purpose - LOL.

The Wardrobe

People wishing to avoid sexy male models (read homoerotic imagery) should not read further, we venture 'below the belt' here...

My birthday is often marked by the odd treat for myself. Last year was music and DVD's - how utterly predictable. This year, in a revelation of my not oft gay self - I spent it on underwear. This is not the kind of underwear middle aged wives buy their husbands from the local Woolies. It's not even from the established brand Jockey or even the more upmarket Calvin Klein. Nope, this year I spoilt myself to uber low cut briefs and boxers - imported from distant places, manufactured for men who who wish to feel very very sexy.

I bought two brands of undies from an (almost certainly gay) underwear shop called FMO, For Men Only. Branded Ginch Gonch and XTG... my latest additions to the wardrobe are feeling like the best buys I've made in a while! Look at them, they're absolutely deeeelicious and they make me feel the same!

And whilst you're drooling over those, I bid you a fond...
Ciao4Now!

A pinch and a punch for the first of the month...

It's a silly saying, but it's one that rings especially true on April the 1st, 'cause if you're not paying attention, a news item might make you want to pinch yourself to make sure what you heard is 'true' and then punch (or kick, whichever is most convenient) yourself when you realise it's all a load of baloney!

Being a 702 listener (Cape Talk, K-fm and Highveld are sister stations), I consume a fair amount of news but I wasn't thinking about it being the 1st of April...

Initially I was caught (only for a moment, mind you) by the Eyewitness News report that Benoni's other star (Rambler's is of course it's foremost), the Oscar winner Charlize Theron, is ditching Hollywood to join the cast of Isidingo!

I've trawled a few other news sites to see what they're up to today and these are my picks:

SABC News: Gautrain construction on hold after discovery of gold coins
E-TV News Channel: doesn't seem to have a website which is a joke in itself...
BBC International: Rio moves to wall off its slums
SKY News: America Builds World's Most Powerful Laser or Professor's Apocalyptic Vision Of America both seem totally outlandish..
CNN was not glaringly obvious: could it be this one; Soccer robots being built to beat humans?

I'm not entirely sure that all my picks are actually April Fools reports, I could be wrong. The only way to check is to come back to these tomorrow I guess.

I know of some truly awful 'in family' April Fools that have been pulled. Stuff that caused grief and family feuds! Perhaps they're less sensitive about the pranks they pull because they're not likely to have to potential to cause a global meltdown - and of course they have slightly sadistic tendancies. Thankfully my family does not have a habit of playing silly Aprils Fools jokes on one another. Hehehe

What caught you today and what didn't?

Ciao4Now